hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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