I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
