I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
