I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
