i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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