it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
