He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
