I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
