somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
