a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
