...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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