and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He felt like a one man threesome
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
