dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
