new low.... made out with someone while peeing
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
