We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
