the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
