Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just want to make out with him forever
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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