i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
