I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
