I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
