I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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