youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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