While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
