TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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