dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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