too bad you live with your parents still
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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