last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
