Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
