You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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