you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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