It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
