dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
