pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
