Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
