so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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