Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
