im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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