Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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