sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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