i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
