Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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