You work out of a Hotel?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
