I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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