she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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