good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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