Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
