the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
