dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
literally had 100 drinks last night.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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