you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize