I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
