Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
