i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize