Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
