We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
