Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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