omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
