Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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