Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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