Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
