8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
