I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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