He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Randomize
