So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
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Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
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Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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